I've had many requests to hear about the CD Release Parties from people who couldn't be there.  First off, I appreciate the support and requests over the years from family and friends and associates for me to do a record of just me singing.  I am humbled by the gift of music and the touching of hearts that it brings.  So first, thank you, thank you, thank you!

I had wanted to make this recording for so long.  Considering the circumstances surrounding the project, I did not want to be in a hurry and BOY! did it take a long time!  It was ok with me though.  I knew the grace was there all along.  I felt like I went through so much getting it done, I always said I wanted to have a big party and celebrate big time when it was finished.  I didn't snap about what that really meant until it was time.

Around 2 weeks before the parties, the mind trip that's going through my head about all this kind of comes to a head.  On one hand, it's 'not serious' - on the other, I feel like my life is flashing before my eyes right here now!  For me personally, I am now looking at a culmination of my career, my love for my son, my family.  My story with Johnny, my story with David.  My need to sing!  My need to be free.  My choices in life.  I received a lot of grace and direction in all this and certain people appeared at the right time to give me satsang ...of course the journey continues...

Sept. 30th, 2004, we had a party at Guero's in the beer garden.  It was informal, just to see everyone, play the CD, enjoy, celebrate.  Comedian/writer Nancy Reed spoke some beautiful words about what she knew about the CD and the story behind it.  Conni and Mama spoke beautiful words as well.  I saw so many people I love.  I heard later, many people saw old friends they haven't seen in awhile.  I heard good stories about it.  I of course missed some of the action on both parties as I was 'otherwise engaged'.  But I now have pictures and videotape - that's an incredible experience for me in and of itself.

So the coolest thing happens - about 2 days before Antone's, a calm comes over me and all of the sudden I am not directing myself anymore, something is directing me.  That energy took over and made it possible to walk up on that stage and keep it together and sing my heart out (that's what I was really freaking out about!)  This has happened to me on a smaller scale before.

Nov. 10, 2004 at Antone's, we told everyone to !dress up! and I played with the Nash Hernandez Orchestra. Comedian/actor/performer/artist Kerry Awn did a 'spot' (in the spirit of Johnny Torrez - 'Commissioner of Comedy'), Clifford Antone introduced me. Conni and Emma Little organized both parties and did such an amazing job of making the atmosphere so visually beautiful.  Everyone welcome.  Flowers everywhere, color.  Conni and Emma looked so beautiful, anyone would be proud to be seen anywhere with them!

I don't know about anyone else, but Antone's was a total happening.  Everyone was there, loving each other, celebrating - and the band, the audience and the dancers rocked the house! I saw it all from the balcony above.  The experience of seeing people I love being together that way is indescribable. Plus, they're there for me!

I asked David and Nastasi to escort me out like a 'star'.  When I walked out, I heard the whole room gasp. This I think was the fulfillment of the expectation that I look my best, which I did thanks to family and friends (a whole story!)  I went up on stage and to my amazement, the band was totally on, the soundman Steve managed to make my voice heard to me and the audience (no small thing with my voice and an orchestra!)

I felt good about my performance, the music flowed out...Tomas Ramirez and John Reed both did a special performance which made me happy as they are both such important influences in my music. Mama came and sang on one song and we both almost started crying!  If there was a moment when I almost lost it, that was it...so aware of everything that Mama feels about me and what I feel about her.

Then I told everyone we were taking a break and Ruben Hernandez and the orchestra proceeded to get everyone dancing.  I watched from above and just relished the sight of all these people I love enjoying the celebration of music and life.

I came back onstage and did 2 more songs. The one I did with John Reed is the one he and I do on the CD which is just my voice and his guitar. We started playing it and heard the room gradually quiet down to total silence and concentration. Another amazing moment!

On the last song as I was stepping off the stage, my niece Avalon and her friend came to me and presented me with 2 big bouquets of flowers. I heard everyone telling me to stand on stage and I realized they wanted to take pictures. I was very dazed by all of that and I remember just standing there thinking, "I feel like Miss America"!  After that, many many people came up to me to congratulate me, including the fabulous comadres/camaradas.

Everyone involved donated their time for the most part and keep on supporting me.

I soaked the joy in and felt so much gratitude.